Can’t answer a simple question..

Just few days ago, friend asked me a question I couldn’t answer these days.

“What are my priorities in life?”

He asked me that because of certain areas in life where one needs to focus and sort out our “things to do”. Like him, he’s a constant traveler, going to places I wish I could go to some day; in due time.However, the issue is the act of traveling is sometimes associated with escaping. Escaping work, escaping life; which sometimes make me ponder what I really want.

I was dumbfounded at times because here I am, pretending to have a certain goal in life to alleviate my family from the shithole that we put ourselves into. Showing to people that I am determined to finish my studies and excel in the field that I put myself into. I portray this image of a character of a happy-go-lucky person as if I don’t have the slightest problem (or if I do, I don’t really show it). All seems perfect, until they get to know me better.

It’s hard to explain things on why I became to be me. Of course, it is determined by several factors: principles, education, foundation, influences, growth, values. All of which are distinguished only by different adversities that go along our way. They make us stronger or weaker depending on how we handle them. And sad to say, I am WEAK.

So what are my priorities again?

See? I can’t even answer the question because I tend to come up with a supposed answer when in reality, I’m just going in circles until I can provide a feasible explanation. Cause in truth I’m lost; so lost and far away that I can’t even reach myself. I’ve become a victim of my own sanity... Sigh.. I’ve never been this disoriented.