Friends....

Well its been a long time..
There is so much things I wanted to write in here these few days..been thinking about this and that while im driving, while im in class, while im eating, while im chit chatting n most of the time,my head kept working all day and nite thinking about too many things that happen everyday lately.. Busy with class..asgmnt..project..thesis..test..it may be interesting or it could be a boring subject to talk about..gone thru few of my frens blog and most of them keep on mnegeluh about study..penat kan..i know..only God know..kite sume same..we experience the same thing guys..what makes it different is how we handle it..no one say final semester is okay..i do wonder,nape i stress sgt padahal itu mmg bnda yg student akan hadapi bila blajar..

Well..guys..if u feel tired,others might feel tired as well..honestly i kept telling my best friend,Niza and Amanda about the negative aura that i felt in me lately..u knw..i dont knw..enufla...i dont knw whether i shall type it here or not..takut if people offended..thank God i have someone who i can talk to and share few things about anything..anything..about the workload, i do feel stress tp at first i ok with it.byk asgmnt n projek specially when u're the one of the committee member yg handle the project.burden right?frankly,its not the task that make me feel stress,but friends that make me stress.. the work can be easy n smooth if we have cooperation from the rest.kite same2 byk keje,same2 penat,tp do we have to be selfish? first,i mintak maaf if my words wat sesape terasa,i tak tujukan to anyone but if u guys read,pls think logically,is it fair?i mean, keje group tp few person je yg wat keje,tp markah we'll get equal.ok lets not talk about marks here.just look at this side-friends-..ppl said frens are the one who stand with us thru good times and bad times.5 semester is enough for me to know who's my real friend is..we can call anyone our fren but do they rili our fren during tough time?i hate it when i already like that person and suddenly ade conflict. senang nk same2 tp bile susah,lari..why cant they consider a bit bout others feeling?we never betray them,we never hurt them intentionally, we never take advantage on them but why cant they appreciate us as fren like what we did?TAKING ADVANTAGE TO PEOPLE is no good my fren...BEAR IN MIND EVERYONE..pls la..just becoz they treat you good n being nice to u,doesnt mean u can be selfish..think..
If i wanted to be selfish as well i might do so long long time ago..i dont give a fuck!what do i care?but i always think ape yg i buat tu buat org lain sakit hati or mnyusahkan dowang..i dont want ppl to have bad impression on me coz hari2 kite jmpe dlm class.its not good to feel that way.mmburukkan lg bnda yg dh sedia buruk.. Penat dh nak sakit hati..its just make me older..dhla muke aku ni pun nmpak tua..again readers..no harm..just my thought..to my friends,Niza and Amanda,thanks for being my friend..the rest pun kawan i jgk hehe (jgn kck ati coz i din mntioned u guys name here)=P

Nway,just wanna wish SELAMAT HARI RAYA to everyone..
Have a good holiday..
Have fun with family..
Have a safe journey during raya..

MAAF ZAHIR BATIN...

Another Past Thought

This is something else from my personal blog that I wrote down. It is sort of peculiar for me to read now. After I wrote down all of my negative thoughts, I started looking at everyone in a different way. I noticed that they were negative also, or so it seemed, but it just wasn't affecting them in the same way. I felt at this point that I couldn't be around anyone negative. I was really trying to change, and it felt like everyone's negativity was bringing me down.

This is when I was not only fighting the worst anxiety that I ever experienced, but the worst feelings of depression also. I read this now and realize that there are a lot of positive people around me, and at that time I was just perceiving everything as negative. Now, I try to see the positive in people who are very negative. Well, here it is. I am on a mission searching the world for a positive person. I wish I could find someone that was positive.

I don't feel like the people around me are very positive. Everywhere you go people are down and negative. People always seem to be focused on everything that is wrong in their life. I will always remember that life is good, and maybe someday I will find that positive person. Yes..

Can’t answer a simple question..

Just few days ago, friend asked me a question I couldn’t answer these days.

“What are my priorities in life?”

He asked me that because of certain areas in life where one needs to focus and sort out our “things to do”. Like him, he’s a constant traveler, going to places I wish I could go to some day; in due time.However, the issue is the act of traveling is sometimes associated with escaping. Escaping work, escaping life; which sometimes make me ponder what I really want.

I was dumbfounded at times because here I am, pretending to have a certain goal in life to alleviate my family from the shithole that we put ourselves into. Showing to people that I am determined to finish my studies and excel in the field that I put myself into. I portray this image of a character of a happy-go-lucky person as if I don’t have the slightest problem (or if I do, I don’t really show it). All seems perfect, until they get to know me better.

It’s hard to explain things on why I became to be me. Of course, it is determined by several factors: principles, education, foundation, influences, growth, values. All of which are distinguished only by different adversities that go along our way. They make us stronger or weaker depending on how we handle them. And sad to say, I am WEAK.

So what are my priorities again?

See? I can’t even answer the question because I tend to come up with a supposed answer when in reality, I’m just going in circles until I can provide a feasible explanation. Cause in truth I’m lost; so lost and far away that I can’t even reach myself. I’ve become a victim of my own sanity... Sigh.. I’ve never been this disoriented.

Speak up or Silent?

If only la we knew kan for certain how people were going to react b4 we speak, our lives would b so mch less complicated isn’t? Well guys, I hve to admit a few days ago I got myself in trouble with someone on thoughts 4 speaking up when I should hve just left things alone, and 4 dat I apologize...=(

Sometimes its like we can't stop ourselves from speaking even when we know better. Don't get me wrong k, I mean there are many times when we need to speak up especially if someone’s life could be at risk or if we have important information that is needed to help someone for instance. (Mcm dlm YouTube,ppl assume MassComm students don’t know when to stop when they are talking,always talk,talk,talk,talk)But the majority of the time is those small nagging issues that get us in the most trouble. Believe it or not it's the small issues that break up most families and relationship.

All of us have the power to lift people up or destroy them with our words, so I learned that we need to be careful and choose wisely when to speak. Kdg2,nak ckp srba salah,tak ckp pun salah..Ppl say some thing are better left unsaid tp bile tak ckp, org takkan tau..Susahnye..God.. plz help me to speak with love and compassion , using the right words at the right time that will make a difference in someones life. Please help me and give me wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent…Sigh..

..::Ain't Tired::..

I’m exhausted…. Sometimes we know certain stuff in mind but when those things in mind is thrown at your face, well. I’ll be stunned for a while.

Since the question has been thrown to me, and even though I was stunned, at that point - to the max, I have re-emphasized that I will not give up... never!! It has been for so long. To give up… isn’t difficult at all. In fact, that is the most convenient action to take. But I choose to stand firm in faith here, believing things will change eventually. The change could be on you, on me, or on anyone involved. Regardless of what it is, I know that Allah is around and will tide me through together. If certain things are to happen in my life, I believe in living it out as a learning phase. All of us need to be honed toned in a certain manner to survive through greater challenges in life - we can’t see but God can. We should never try to compare because there isn’t a standard level of measurement to this thing called LIFE. God knows our limits. If you are ever the subject of being pushed, you should take it as a pinch of salt and learn well.

Sometimes, I call it “PAIN”. After reflection, I call it reminder. If it takes 10 times to learn through something, then we got to brace ourselves to go through it 10 times. If you are taking things as a pinch of salt, at the end of the 10 times, you will still be in one piece.

Met up with someone yesterday, and we chat into the strangest thing you can never imagine. Things can just happen the way it is at times. Just got to make sure you are ready for it. So, be firm now if you are losing ground. At times we got to be broken so that we can be shaped up for the challenge.

Life is full of uncertainty…stress…choices that we have to make and face.... just like the old times I learned from my mum... we have to make choices to move on... time heals all pain and blah blah blah.....

I always look back the past and I always miss the past... I know.. you guys sure say, that's the past.. Why you want to look back? move on!!! but then........ No matter the pains and the happy moments, all become sweet memories... I bet everyone also right?

Now... problems come again.... (Who don’t have problem jek?) well, I should say I’m letting myself to become like this... need to work, study and also stress about my life.. Moneys and everything... sigh... moneys....... there's always not enough for me... Maybe I’m a person who really don’t know how to appreciate my own life... always wants more... Wants better...Sigh.. =.=

Then, studies' stress comes up... assignment is getting more and more.. Due dates is nearer and nearer… and i have no clue what should i do. I’m afraid to ask and not used to this environment. My friend did say that final semester sure like this..tho u not used to it, just have to do it slowly... but then.. How can I do slowly?????? There are so many due dates on September. I should say every assignment due on that month. Sigh…

In this moment, this 2 things is making me worry... and I’m also afraid I will fail my studies and unable to continue my studies. Sobs…
Oh god…
What can I do to reduce all my worries and stress... ( i know blogging is wasting my time.... =.= )

Spend less, do your homework and happy go lucky. I know.. This is the solution... but damn it!!..... i still can’t do it… I can’t.. I can’t… I can’t!!!( complain again kan... sigh.. never gonna change this stupid attitude)

Anyway.... i just wanna put all my worries at here... at least i can "talk" to my "blog" haha.. sounds like im a crazy person... dunno.. maybe i am.. since i got so so so many things need to be done...... life is super tough.. and i wanna be happy go lucky person. but too bad, i cant. sad case huh~


Before ending this stupid complains... HUSNA! chaiyok!chaiyok! you can finish your assignment!!!!!!!!!

Blank..

Its been four weeks I didn’t watch Astro since I came back to campus. First of all, let me go on record to say that I really am not that big a TV person. I don’t follow Heroes, American Idol, Ghost Whisper or whatever it is that people are watching nowadays. Only when I get back home, I can watch TV peacefully when no one in the house is around. Or else, my brother or mother will control the remote. Sucks!

Second, I do not have Internet access at home. Not because my housing area is deprived of Streamyx, I purposely did not sign up for any Internet access. I know me; if I had internet access, I will just be wasting my time throwing sheep at people in my Facebook instead of doing something productive like writing in this blog. So between wasting my time on Facebook, and not having the convenience to check my e-mail any time I want, I decided that the latter is the lesser evil.

Speaking of evil, yes! I do believe that the Internet is evil!! Right. Back then, computers and the Internet were like men. Every day u learnt something new. You had so much fun on the desktop. But now the honeymoon is over and computers and the Internet have become something that you tolerate. A necessary evil. You need them for work but they give you lots of headache. The cyber café PC has been slow for as long as I can remember. My email, which used to be sacred (in that I didn’t give it out freely), is now full of spam that I just don’t care anymore. Sometimes the computer quits on you for no apparent reason.This is just so sickening..

Life..

“No one in this world can dictate to you where you can be happy… If you know where and what it is, go for it, just remember... Happiness is not a destiny, it’s a choice...”

It was an advice given to me by my mother few years ago. I still remember the time when I was feeling down where I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t talk, couldn’t eat, or do anything when I broke up with my boyfriend three years ago. All that I did everyday was just cry and cry and cry. Until there’s a time when I realized that he will never come back to me and I just wasting my time and my tears. All I know is he will get marry with her fiancé and he apologies to me because he can’t convert to Muslim, that’s why he choose to follow his own path. After a long time thinking, I let him go with his own life and just pray for his happiness.

Having said all this about relationships, relationships work only when you don’t need them to stay mentally healthy and whole. The situation is much like going to the bank for a loan; you have to show them you really need the money before they’ll give it to you. If you look for relationships because you’re needy person, you throw things off balance. That doesn’t mean you don’t need relationship. Instead, it means that you can’t approach the relationship with your cup out – waiting on a spouse, a child, a parent, a colleague, or a friend to fill it up time and time again. You approach the relationship with your cup full and look for opportunity to pour half into theirs when it’s empty. You cannot approach any other human being and say – aloud or with actions – make me happy. That burden is much too much to bear for another person, no matter how much they love you.

Each of us is responsible for our own happiness.
How do you find happiness within yourself?
How does your cup become full?

When you integrate them into your life, you’ll find that you are less dependent upon others for your sense of well being and you have a healthy friendship to offer others. So much I have learned all these while about relationship.

Maybe I’m not matured enough but I guess knowing and understand all this is enough for me. Now he came back to me but the feeling is different. I don’t love him anymore and I’m happy with my life now even without him... I’m enjoying being single and yes! I’m just happy being me haha…

All Cops Are B*****

Location: The main road leading to Section 13 from Section 7,Shah Alam, 10.15am. I was driving at that time when I noticed a police patrol car at a T-junction waiting to enter the main road. When I was about four metres away, the cop suddenly darted out into my path. I applied my brakes and managed to avoid hitting the police car.

Damn it..I would understand if it was an ordinary motorist as we are familiar with their bad driving habits but this was a COP, who is supposed to set an example for motorists! A quick glance at my rearview mirror showed there were no car behind me, meaning that he could have waited for me to pass isn’t? Top ranking officials, from the authorities on road safety and inspector general of police, have always reminded Malaysian motorists of the need, among others, to be courteous when driving and whatnot. I think the IGP should also extend this reminder to his charges.

The bad driving attitude of the policeman at the wheel was something I could not accept! This is especially so since police are going all out to catch errant motorists. I wonder if its okay to honk at him, gesture him to stop at the road shoulder and politely give him a piece of my mind. That I shall never know. But if it is okay, I might just do it the next time I come across a similar incident with a cop at a wheel…ACAB!